Dear Chinese Spy,
The real best friend is the data stolen from us along the way.
by Emily Jiang
New Message!
2025年 5 月 14 日
hello lovely government agent surveilling my phone. hope you’re having a great one. just so you know, everything i say on social media is a joke and not serious, especially if it’s about government officials or potentially not-legal activity. i was wondering — are you chinese or american? like fbi because i’m in the u.s., or the mss in china because they want to control the u.s., allegedly, or — mr. worldwide? pitbull? i mean, i’d probably rather pitbull have my information than the feds, american or otherwise. pitbull can’t send agents to my house, or deport my family or do extralegal terrorism. and he probably can’t detain me when i’m visiting my grandparents, or imprison my relatives or surveil my wechat activity. or maybe he can — i don’t know. you never know what a bald man in sunglasses is capable of. dale!
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New Message!
2025年 5 月 15 日
i’m honestly hoping you’re chinese, because i’m chinese and it would honestly be a great bonding point. i’m american too, but i’m not sure the fbi thinks that matters. i mean, it couldn’t be worse than the corporations that already have guys in my phone, right? like the google guy who knows where me and all of my friends live and also the exact product i just talked about out loud with my friend. or the apple guy who ... honestly they’re a part of the family now, i’m kinda too deep into this like with the whole apple ecosystem and stuff it’s just too late to back out. so hey, probably half of the large corporations in america have my personal info.
you’re a little late to the game.
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New Message!
2025年 5 月 16 日
do you just judge the memes i forward people on discord and my taste in youtube shorts or are you going to like send people to my house if i like a video that criticizes the government or something?? (all jokes ofc) you and a hundred different corporate spywares are probably looking into my eyes through the front camera right now tracking where i’m going, what i’m doing, how i look, the people i interact with, what i say, what i buy, what i eat it doesn’t even matter who you are, honestly i don’t want you in my life like that. the mandatory nu sexual harassment training, which i definitely completed before the deadline, says that relationships are meant to be mutual and consensual so i hope you enjoy the waters of lake michigan because that’s all you’ll be seeing through my phone from now on!