Today was another day of waiting in the 30-minute Shake Smart line and quietly observing a couple holding hands in front of me. Norris couples are an inescapable phenomenon. I must admit I am a little cynical about relationships, having failed in many of my own, but that doesn’t mean I’m bitter. I just like to observe.

Something about this particular couple caught my eye. Was that two cups of boba they were holding? I looked down. Matching pairs of Onitsuka Tigers? I pride myself on having 20/20 vision, so I knew I couldn’t be mistaken.

They were both Asian.

I pinched myself. Blinked. And pinched myself again. Was this a simulation? Had I fallen and hit my head? There was no way, in the reality I live in, that two Asians could ever be dating.

Let me defend my reaction. I like to think of myself as an educated man. I’m not one of those typical Gen Z-ers who spend all of their time scrolling mindlessly on TikTok. Reading is one of my favorite pastimes, which is why when I scroll on TikTok, I always open the comment section.

I first learned about the ‘Oxford study’ in a comment by redpillsigma67. It’s not a real study, redpillsigma67 explained, but the sentiment was real. Asian women have an instinctual, gravitational pull towards white men. When it comes time for Asian women to find a mate, they cannot resist the pheromones of Axe body spray and unseasoned chicken.

Another user, chaewonsimp420, seconded redpillsigma67, adding that these same women feel repulsed by men of their own race. Countless Asian men have been stung by the venom of an Asian woman sneering at their lack of European features.

So what could explain the sight in front of me? Aliens? Hypnosis? A Logan Paul YouTube prank? I watched as another man came up to the couple — a white man, this time. I thought for sure that his sexy colonizer appeal would make the girl fall at his feet, disgusted that she had ever strayed from her true soulmate. But I was wrong. Amazingly, the girl spoke to him with nothing but poised indifference.

Who knows when I would ever find another Asian woman who was free from the clutches of a white man? I had to find out what the couple’s secret was. I rushed over to them. “Excuse me,” I asked. “How did you two get together?”

The couple looked at me weirdly, although it couldn’t have been the first time someone had questioned such a rare pairing.

“We met at a pottery class,” the girl told me. “He made me a mug.”

I was shocked. How mundane. How unexpected. Her boyfriend didn’t have her under some spell, and her ‘Oxford study’ instincts seemed nonexistent. Could it really be that this relationship was formed from nothing but their own autonomy?

redpillsigma67 had a lot of explaining to do.